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How many articles have you read online that tell yousocial media is worse for us than smoking crack? Or that the 24 hour news cycle is making us reactionary and ignorant as a society? How many decades have people been saying that 6 hours of television every day is just not natural? And it’s not unreasonable when we read these things; we aren’t shocked. In fact, it makes sense. We can feel all of this stuff going on inside of us, yet we continue to batter away, consuming more and more…
I know every night I should be leaving the television off. I know I should toss my phone onto the desk and leave it there. I know I should be reading. I should be enjoying the muted sound of silence. I should be meditating. I should put in a few extra hours of work into my novel. At the very least I should be brainstorming the next episode of my podcast.
So, how do I end up spending most nights? Screwing around with some dumb app on my phone while another epsiode of C.S.I. is on in the background being ignored.
It’s awful. I slow the progress to my goals by at least 70%. And somehow I accept it. I accept that as normal. And you know what? It feels shitty. It feels shitty because I know its easy to change and that I’m capable of so much more. It feel shitty because as creative as I am, I’m still only dipping my toes. After 40 years, I still haven’t learned to dive fully in and swim in that reality. After forty years I’m still scared; scared that one day I’ll wake up a failure and all the people who were scared too will be standing above me waving their 401Ks and laughing.
That’s terrible. That’s a terrible thought. How the hell do we let these things into our brains; these bullshit worms? How do we live with these false perceptions and define the choices of our lives by them?
You know and I know that Facebook, Nexflix and Fortnite aren’t to blame. We only use them like thick blankets to throw over the top of the things that we want to ignore. We’re hiding. I’m hiding. I know the man I want to be, I’m just not ready to follow him. I know how to get to where I want to be, I just have trouble believing in an invisible bridge.